Happy Birthday My Dearest Mother!

Dear Mama,

I apologize for having been AWOL. I haven't had much chance to sit down and pen down a proper letter to you. There are two reasons for this. First, I have been trying to work on my blog, 'The Whimsical Gallivanter'; secondly, I didn't know what to say to you since everything has been at a standstill for the past three four months.. 

It was your birthday yesterday.. I celebrated it to my heart's content.. I put up an Instagram dedication.. I went out and had cake.. I prayed for you.. In other words.. I did everything that I would have done if you were here.. 

People ask me.. "What's the point?" I tell them: Doing so makes me feel like you're still here.. I know its childish on my behalf.. But celebrating your birthday is special for me.. After all, why shouldn't I commemorate the day my most precious thing was sent down to Earth? 

I know you're probably scolding me for entertaining these idiosyncrasies.. But Mama, making the most of these small things is what I have left today.. 

Nearly ten years ago, I was left bereaved of my shelter.. I wish I could warn people to not take their parents for granted.. I wish I could turn back time to my rebellious teenage years where I felt you were being unfair by not buying me a cellphone.. ignoring how you would sacrifice your desires to ensure I had the best of everything.. I wish I could turn back time and slap my younger naive self.. or undo my unfortunate actions and decisions that have given me nothing but deep regrets.. Alas.. 

I can't move on from the past.. and I can't change any of it.. But I can try to be thankful for everything I had once.. be thankful for what I have today.. Hence, THANK YOU dear Allah, for bestowing upon me the BEST mother one could have asked for.. If it weren't for you Mama, I would not have been the person I am today.. Not only did you pass on your abysmal maternal instincts to me.. You taught me by example to be compassionate, kind, generous, thankful, loving and empathetic.. Your upbringing (comprising of a good deal of reprimanding and dare I say, chittars) taught me to be polite and respectful.. Your belief and pride in me taught me to never give up.. You gave me wings so I could fly high and reach out to the sky (as cliched as that is)!

Happy Birthday Mama! May Allah bless you with the highest rank in Jannat and may He allow you to make a cozy home in His humble abode!  Ya Allah, please let my Mama be content and peaceful! 

I pray that one day, I'll get to see your smiling face again.. In fact, what wouldn't I give to have you scold me once again? (even though I try to not do anything that would require you to do so)

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

p.s. whoever reads this.. please go hug your parents right now? 

Dhikr and the peace that comes with it!

Dear Mama!

I miss you! It's funny really. Being in this country. Every day, I feel like you're watching me from very close by. Every day I feel like you'll walk right into the room ordering me to go brush my hair or telling me to go say my prayers. It can become quite overwhelming actually. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse anymore. In Islamabad, I missed you all the time but I never got this feeling. A part of me loves it. Makes me feel more protected and safe. But, the disappointment that follows is too much of a heart break.

Do you see the humour in the situation? How my hostility towards the land that took my mother from me and my optimism and hope that the same land will give me opportunities to soar high in the near future go hand in hand? Allah's plans. SubhanAllah.

"But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners."

Surah Anfal- 30

Moving on.. I am mentioning below a list of daily Adhkar (Dhikr) that help me make it through the day. Yes, to be honest, I miss out on some of it every now and then. BUT, believe me, they provide me with utmost peace. And the best thing is: YOU CAN READ THESE ANYWHERE and ANYTIME! :) 

1. SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, La ilaha illAllah, Allahu Akbar

2. Astaghfirullah (saying this repeatedly opens up your ways and clears all hurdles!)

3. Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyumu Birehmatika Astaghees

4. Allah hus Samad

5. Durood Shareef

6. HasbunAllahu wa ni'mal wakeel

7. SubhanAllahi wa bihamdihi, SubhanAllahil- Azeem

8. SubhanAllah Walhamdulillah WallahuAkbar

As you can see, I have not written a specific number of times you must read all of the above, because honestly, in my opinion, Allah is not sitting and counting the exact number of times you recite His name and praises! Do try these and see the instant change you feel :) They're all personally tried and tested! 

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

Tawakkul - A True Blessing

Dear Mama,

I know it has been very very long but to be very honest, the last few months have been very happening! Where do I start from? Okay, so firstly, I have finally moved closer to where you are! I can feel you in the air of Abu Dhabi; or maybe it's because I am with your family here. Everyone reminds me so much of you Mama, it's kind of cheesy. Oh well.. I'm here and I feel positive. I think you're with me more than ever now (if you aren't then please BE) and good luck to me henceforth! Let's see what this country has to offer! 

Secondly, the main purpose behind this letter today Mama was to tell you something very very important that I have learnt over the passage of time and that is Tawakkul. Tawakkul is the word for the Islamic concept of reliance on God or "trusting in God's plan". It is seen as "perfect trust in God and reliance on Him alone. 

I made it this far only and only because of Tawakkul. I can't say that it was always a 100%; I am human, and I am flawed. However, the last few months of my life have made my faith stronger than ever. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I am in Abu Dhabi, something I had not even envisioned last year. And I still don't know WHY I am here. But I am. And, it took longer than expected. The wait? Was overwhelming to say the least. And it was only Tawakkul coupled with the support of my very very very special friends (who are definitely my God sent personal guardian angels) and brothers that made it all possible.  

Let me quote the Holy Quran to highlight the importance of Tawakkul:

‘The believers are only those who, when Allāh is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses are recited to them, they increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord.’

Al Anfal-02

‘.. and when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. If Allāh helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allāh (Alone) let the believers put their trust’

Al Imran- 159,160

‘And whosoever puts his trust in Allāh. Then He will suffice him.’

Al- Talaaq- 03

We spend our lives whining and complaining about every little thing: ‘Why am I still unmarried? Why don’t I have a good job? Why isn’t Allah blessing me with children? Why does everyone hurt me? Why does my life have to be so difficult? Why does my husband have to be so overbearing? Why didn’t I get a good result? Why can’t I buy the car I’ve been eyeing for so long? Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I live in a nicer house?  Why can’t my parents let me go out more often? So on and so forth. Resultantly, all these questions and constant worry about past, present and future gives us anxiety (I STILL get anxiety, I’m not saying I’ve overcome it). If only we would understand that we have absolutely no control over our fate and destiny. Yes, our efforts play a part BUT believe me, I CANNOT stress enough on this:

The minute you accept that everything happens for a reason and Allah is watching out for you, even in the darkest of situations, it becomes MUCH more bearable and gives you a unique peace of mind.

The key to this peace is: BALANCE! It is essential that you strike a balance between your human efforts and Tawakkul. Yes, Allah tells us to put our trust in Him but He has also blessed us with wisdom and knowledge and hence, expects us to utilize those in conjunction with COMPLETE trust in Allah to achieve an optimal state of mind.

And attaining this balance has become my life’s mission. I aim high and struggle to be the best. I fail, I fall. I stand back up. And why do I stand back up? Because I know Allah is watching over me. I know that Allah has written something amazing for me and so, I can’t give up. That is just not an option anymore. And of course, I have to make you proud too Mama! 

Before I sign off, let me acknowledge my amazing friends and brothers who have played a huge role in ensuring I remain sane, who stepped in at EVERY step to help in whatever capacity they could. And whatever they did was ALL because Allah had willed them to do so, Allah had placed them in those specific circumstances to be my backing, Allah fulfilled His promise of not leaving me alone.

Words cannot do justice to how blessed I feel (regardless of all obstacles) and I cannot emphasize enough on HOW IMPORTANT TAWAKKUL IS! 

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!