Dhikr and the peace that comes with it!

Dear Mama!

I miss you! It's funny really. Being in this country. Every day, I feel like you're watching me from very close by. Every day I feel like you'll walk right into the room ordering me to go brush my hair or telling me to go say my prayers. It can become quite overwhelming actually. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse anymore. In Islamabad, I missed you all the time but I never got this feeling. A part of me loves it. Makes me feel more protected and safe. But, the disappointment that follows is too much of a heart break.

Do you see the humour in the situation? How my hostility towards the land that took my mother from me and my optimism and hope that the same land will give me opportunities to soar high in the near future go hand in hand? Allah's plans. SubhanAllah.

"But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners."

Surah Anfal- 30

Moving on.. I am mentioning below a list of daily Adhkar (Dhikr) that help me make it through the day. Yes, to be honest, I miss out on some of it every now and then. BUT, believe me, they provide me with utmost peace. And the best thing is: YOU CAN READ THESE ANYWHERE and ANYTIME! :) 

1. SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, La ilaha illAllah, Allahu Akbar

2. Astaghfirullah (saying this repeatedly opens up your ways and clears all hurdles!)

3. Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyumu Birehmatika Astaghees

4. Allah hus Samad

5. Durood Shareef

6. HasbunAllahu wa ni'mal wakeel

7. SubhanAllahi wa bihamdihi, SubhanAllahil- Azeem

8. SubhanAllah Walhamdulillah WallahuAkbar

As you can see, I have not written a specific number of times you must read all of the above, because honestly, in my opinion, Allah is not sitting and counting the exact number of times you recite His name and praises! Do try these and see the instant change you feel :) They're all personally tried and tested! 

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

Tawakkul - A True Blessing

Dear Mama,

I know it has been very very long but to be very honest, the last few months have been very happening! Where do I start from? Okay, so firstly, I have finally moved closer to where you are! I can feel you in the air of Abu Dhabi; or maybe it's because I am with your family here. Everyone reminds me so much of you Mama, it's kind of cheesy. Oh well.. I'm here and I feel positive. I think you're with me more than ever now (if you aren't then please BE) and good luck to me henceforth! Let's see what this country has to offer! 

Secondly, the main purpose behind this letter today Mama was to tell you something very very important that I have learnt over the passage of time and that is Tawakkul. Tawakkul is the word for the Islamic concept of reliance on God or "trusting in God's plan". It is seen as "perfect trust in God and reliance on Him alone. 

I made it this far only and only because of Tawakkul. I can't say that it was always a 100%; I am human, and I am flawed. However, the last few months of my life have made my faith stronger than ever. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I am in Abu Dhabi, something I had not even envisioned last year. And I still don't know WHY I am here. But I am. And, it took longer than expected. The wait? Was overwhelming to say the least. And it was only Tawakkul coupled with the support of my very very very special friends (who are definitely my God sent personal guardian angels) and brothers that made it all possible.  

Let me quote the Holy Quran to highlight the importance of Tawakkul:

‘The believers are only those who, when Allāh is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses are recited to them, they increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord.’

Al Anfal-02

‘.. and when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. If Allāh helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allāh (Alone) let the believers put their trust’

Al Imran- 159,160

‘And whosoever puts his trust in Allāh. Then He will suffice him.’

Al- Talaaq- 03

We spend our lives whining and complaining about every little thing: ‘Why am I still unmarried? Why don’t I have a good job? Why isn’t Allah blessing me with children? Why does everyone hurt me? Why does my life have to be so difficult? Why does my husband have to be so overbearing? Why didn’t I get a good result? Why can’t I buy the car I’ve been eyeing for so long? Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I live in a nicer house?  Why can’t my parents let me go out more often? So on and so forth. Resultantly, all these questions and constant worry about past, present and future gives us anxiety (I STILL get anxiety, I’m not saying I’ve overcome it). If only we would understand that we have absolutely no control over our fate and destiny. Yes, our efforts play a part BUT believe me, I CANNOT stress enough on this:

The minute you accept that everything happens for a reason and Allah is watching out for you, even in the darkest of situations, it becomes MUCH more bearable and gives you a unique peace of mind.

The key to this peace is: BALANCE! It is essential that you strike a balance between your human efforts and Tawakkul. Yes, Allah tells us to put our trust in Him but He has also blessed us with wisdom and knowledge and hence, expects us to utilize those in conjunction with COMPLETE trust in Allah to achieve an optimal state of mind.

And attaining this balance has become my life’s mission. I aim high and struggle to be the best. I fail, I fall. I stand back up. And why do I stand back up? Because I know Allah is watching over me. I know that Allah has written something amazing for me and so, I can’t give up. That is just not an option anymore. And of course, I have to make you proud too Mama! 

Before I sign off, let me acknowledge my amazing friends and brothers who have played a huge role in ensuring I remain sane, who stepped in at EVERY step to help in whatever capacity they could. And whatever they did was ALL because Allah had willed them to do so, Allah had placed them in those specific circumstances to be my backing, Allah fulfilled His promise of not leaving me alone.

Words cannot do justice to how blessed I feel (regardless of all obstacles) and I cannot emphasize enough on HOW IMPORTANT TAWAKKUL IS! 

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

Flashbacks are all I have!

Dear Mama,

Hope you're doing well and watching over me every day! The last ten days of May are here. And the flashbacks have begun. My emotions are all over the place. But how do I explain this to the world? Not that I need to but you know..

Nine years ago, around this time, we joined you in Abu Dhabi.. To be exact, on the 15th of May.. You had been admitted to the hospital and naive as I unfortunately was, I didn't realize that that would be the last place you would get to see in your lifetime; didn't realize that that would be the last state we would see you in..

These flashbacks that I have been carrying with me for nine years.. are my biggest nightmare.. but they are also my prized possession.. They make me feel closer to you all of a sudden.. As if I am in that room again.. As if I can feel you fighting for life.. I get goosebumps every time I picture you in that hospital bed..

No matter how much time has passed, your precious daughter still breaks down in front of Allah and wishes for Him to turn back time.. wishes to undo that whole period of her life.. and wishes to see you happy and healthy one more time...

Regret.. A word, a feeling that people tell us to let go.. They tell you to move on and find solace in the present.. But regret.. Regret of all that I could have said, all that I could have done.. All that i could have unsaid and all that I could have undone.. I wish I had been a better daughter.. A better person...

Nine years Mama.. The pain has not lessened.. There are still ten days to go.. But I wanted to let you know.. you're on my mind more than ever.. You're always at the back of mind, you're always in my heart, you're the reason behind my every move.. You're my motivation, you're my strength.. But this time of the year.. I just need you more than ever..

Dear Allah, please keep my mama healthy and happy, this is my dua, today and always!

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. 

[Al Isra:23-24]

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!