Happy Birthday My Dearest Mother!

Dear Mama,

I apologize for having been AWOL. I haven't had much chance to sit down and pen down a proper letter to you. There are two reasons for this. First, I have been trying to work on my blog, 'The Whimsical Gallivanter'; secondly, I didn't know what to say to you since everything has been at a standstill for the past three four months.. 

It was your birthday yesterday.. I celebrated it to my heart's content.. I put up an Instagram dedication.. I went out and had cake.. I prayed for you.. In other words.. I did everything that I would have done if you were here.. 

People ask me.. "What's the point?" I tell them: Doing so makes me feel like you're still here.. I know its childish on my behalf.. But celebrating your birthday is special for me.. After all, why shouldn't I commemorate the day my most precious thing was sent down to Earth? 

I know you're probably scolding me for entertaining these idiosyncrasies.. But Mama, making the most of these small things is what I have left today.. 

Nearly ten years ago, I was left bereaved of my shelter.. I wish I could warn people to not take their parents for granted.. I wish I could turn back time to my rebellious teenage years where I felt you were being unfair by not buying me a cellphone.. ignoring how you would sacrifice your desires to ensure I had the best of everything.. I wish I could turn back time and slap my younger naive self.. or undo my unfortunate actions and decisions that have given me nothing but deep regrets.. Alas.. 

I can't move on from the past.. and I can't change any of it.. But I can try to be thankful for everything I had once.. be thankful for what I have today.. Hence, THANK YOU dear Allah, for bestowing upon me the BEST mother one could have asked for.. If it weren't for you Mama, I would not have been the person I am today.. Not only did you pass on your abysmal maternal instincts to me.. You taught me by example to be compassionate, kind, generous, thankful, loving and empathetic.. Your upbringing (comprising of a good deal of reprimanding and dare I say, chittars) taught me to be polite and respectful.. Your belief and pride in me taught me to never give up.. You gave me wings so I could fly high and reach out to the sky (as cliched as that is)!

Happy Birthday Mama! May Allah bless you with the highest rank in Jannat and may He allow you to make a cozy home in His humble abode!  Ya Allah, please let my Mama be content and peaceful! 

I pray that one day, I'll get to see your smiling face again.. In fact, what wouldn't I give to have you scold me once again? (even though I try to not do anything that would require you to do so)

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

p.s. whoever reads this.. please go hug your parents right now? 

Dhikr and the peace that comes with it!

Dear Mama!

I miss you! It's funny really. Being in this country. Every day, I feel like you're watching me from very close by. Every day I feel like you'll walk right into the room ordering me to go brush my hair or telling me to go say my prayers. It can become quite overwhelming actually. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse anymore. In Islamabad, I missed you all the time but I never got this feeling. A part of me loves it. Makes me feel more protected and safe. But, the disappointment that follows is too much of a heart break.

Do you see the humour in the situation? How my hostility towards the land that took my mother from me and my optimism and hope that the same land will give me opportunities to soar high in the near future go hand in hand? Allah's plans. SubhanAllah.

"But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners."

Surah Anfal- 30

Moving on.. I am mentioning below a list of daily Adhkar (Dhikr) that help me make it through the day. Yes, to be honest, I miss out on some of it every now and then. BUT, believe me, they provide me with utmost peace. And the best thing is: YOU CAN READ THESE ANYWHERE and ANYTIME! :) 

1. SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, La ilaha illAllah, Allahu Akbar

2. Astaghfirullah (saying this repeatedly opens up your ways and clears all hurdles!)

3. Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyumu Birehmatika Astaghees

4. Allah hus Samad

5. Durood Shareef

6. HasbunAllahu wa ni'mal wakeel

7. SubhanAllahi wa bihamdihi, SubhanAllahil- Azeem

8. SubhanAllah Walhamdulillah WallahuAkbar

As you can see, I have not written a specific number of times you must read all of the above, because honestly, in my opinion, Allah is not sitting and counting the exact number of times you recite His name and praises! Do try these and see the instant change you feel :) They're all personally tried and tested! 

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

Tawakkul - A True Blessing

Dear Mama,

I know it has been very very long but to be very honest, the last few months have been very happening! Where do I start from? Okay, so firstly, I have finally moved closer to where you are! I can feel you in the air of Abu Dhabi; or maybe it's because I am with your family here. Everyone reminds me so much of you Mama, it's kind of cheesy. Oh well.. I'm here and I feel positive. I think you're with me more than ever now (if you aren't then please BE) and good luck to me henceforth! Let's see what this country has to offer! 

Secondly, the main purpose behind this letter today Mama was to tell you something very very important that I have learnt over the passage of time and that is Tawakkul. Tawakkul is the word for the Islamic concept of reliance on God or "trusting in God's plan". It is seen as "perfect trust in God and reliance on Him alone. 

I made it this far only and only because of Tawakkul. I can't say that it was always a 100%; I am human, and I am flawed. However, the last few months of my life have made my faith stronger than ever. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I am in Abu Dhabi, something I had not even envisioned last year. And I still don't know WHY I am here. But I am. And, it took longer than expected. The wait? Was overwhelming to say the least. And it was only Tawakkul coupled with the support of my very very very special friends (who are definitely my God sent personal guardian angels) and brothers that made it all possible.  

Let me quote the Holy Quran to highlight the importance of Tawakkul:

‘The believers are only those who, when Allāh is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses are recited to them, they increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord.’

Al Anfal-02

‘.. and when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. If Allāh helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allāh (Alone) let the believers put their trust’

Al Imran- 159,160

‘And whosoever puts his trust in Allāh. Then He will suffice him.’

Al- Talaaq- 03

We spend our lives whining and complaining about every little thing: ‘Why am I still unmarried? Why don’t I have a good job? Why isn’t Allah blessing me with children? Why does everyone hurt me? Why does my life have to be so difficult? Why does my husband have to be so overbearing? Why didn’t I get a good result? Why can’t I buy the car I’ve been eyeing for so long? Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I live in a nicer house?  Why can’t my parents let me go out more often? So on and so forth. Resultantly, all these questions and constant worry about past, present and future gives us anxiety (I STILL get anxiety, I’m not saying I’ve overcome it). If only we would understand that we have absolutely no control over our fate and destiny. Yes, our efforts play a part BUT believe me, I CANNOT stress enough on this:

The minute you accept that everything happens for a reason and Allah is watching out for you, even in the darkest of situations, it becomes MUCH more bearable and gives you a unique peace of mind.

The key to this peace is: BALANCE! It is essential that you strike a balance between your human efforts and Tawakkul. Yes, Allah tells us to put our trust in Him but He has also blessed us with wisdom and knowledge and hence, expects us to utilize those in conjunction with COMPLETE trust in Allah to achieve an optimal state of mind.

And attaining this balance has become my life’s mission. I aim high and struggle to be the best. I fail, I fall. I stand back up. And why do I stand back up? Because I know Allah is watching over me. I know that Allah has written something amazing for me and so, I can’t give up. That is just not an option anymore. And of course, I have to make you proud too Mama! 

Before I sign off, let me acknowledge my amazing friends and brothers who have played a huge role in ensuring I remain sane, who stepped in at EVERY step to help in whatever capacity they could. And whatever they did was ALL because Allah had willed them to do so, Allah had placed them in those specific circumstances to be my backing, Allah fulfilled His promise of not leaving me alone.

Words cannot do justice to how blessed I feel (regardless of all obstacles) and I cannot emphasize enough on HOW IMPORTANT TAWAKKUL IS! 

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat, Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

Flashbacks are all I have!

Dear Mama,

Hope you're doing well and watching over me every day! The last ten days of May are here. And the flashbacks have begun. My emotions are all over the place. But how do I explain this to the world? Not that I need to but you know..

Nine years ago, around this time, we joined you in Abu Dhabi.. To be exact, on the 15th of May.. You had been admitted to the hospital and naive as I unfortunately was, I didn't realize that that would be the last place you would get to see in your lifetime; didn't realize that that would be the last state we would see you in..

These flashbacks that I have been carrying with me for nine years.. are my biggest nightmare.. but they are also my prized possession.. They make me feel closer to you all of a sudden.. As if I am in that room again.. As if I can feel you fighting for life.. I get goosebumps every time I picture you in that hospital bed..

No matter how much time has passed, your precious daughter still breaks down in front of Allah and wishes for Him to turn back time.. wishes to undo that whole period of her life.. and wishes to see you happy and healthy one more time...

Regret.. A word, a feeling that people tell us to let go.. They tell you to move on and find solace in the present.. But regret.. Regret of all that I could have said, all that I could have done.. All that i could have unsaid and all that I could have undone.. I wish I had been a better daughter.. A better person...

Nine years Mama.. The pain has not lessened.. There are still ten days to go.. But I wanted to let you know.. you're on my mind more than ever.. You're always at the back of mind, you're always in my heart, you're the reason behind my every move.. You're my motivation, you're my strength.. But this time of the year.. I just need you more than ever..

Dear Allah, please keep my mama healthy and happy, this is my dua, today and always!

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. 

[Al Isra:23-24]

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

How praying 5 times a day has changed me!

Dear Mama,

Remember how you used to be after Asad* and me to pray regularly? Well, I wish I had listened to you earlier. But well. No use crying over spilt milk.

All these years, I would try to regulate my prayer routine; I tried to at least pray twice a day, if not that then at least pray the Friday prayers. It was, of course, not enough. Somehow, I just never managed to push myself hard enough. I don’t know what it was really, I am at a loss of words to explain why I had been so ignorant of this habit that Allah has made compulsory for us. There were times where I was plain lazy and others where I was super rebellious (an extremely wrong attitude).

However, today, I can proudly say that I have become quite regular (Alhamdulillah), in fact, I even wake up for Fajr most days, effortlessly. Although it has only been around two months since I’ve adopted this new routine but I have to admit, it is the best thing to have happened to me in a long time.

The Quran, the Holy Scripture that has been sent down to mankind is the best possible gift ever. The Quran beautifully entails a way of life for us and reminds us over and over that Allah is the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious and to Him we shall all return. I recommend reading the translation/tafseer to ALL my friends and family who are looking for peace and tranquility. (I am still in the process of reading it, so I won’t go in details). The Quran mentions the importance of Salah after every few Ayaats!

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. (Al Baqarah- 153)

Say, "Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah , Lord of the worlds. (Al An’am- 162)

Recite, [O Muhammad], what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do. (Al Ankabut -44)

With all the sudden deaths, the disasters around the world and everything going constantly haywire, I finally resorted to praying to Allah to find peace and answers. In my heart, I know that Allah intended for me to find the right path. I know that the fact that I can acknowledge the benefits of prayer in my life is a gift in itself.

Praying so regularly has changed my perspective on life. Yes! Believe it or not! In a matter of a few weeks, I feel the change inside me. I love the routine; in fact, I look forward to the next prayer time. I feel proud of myself every night after performing the Isha prayer and go to sleep more peacefully. The days when I wake up for Fajr, I feel that my time is spent more productively. Taking out time for Dhuhr and Asar during a busy school day makes me feel on top of the world. And to ensure that I don’t miss Maghrib, I have stopped napping at odd hours! My whole routine is in place Alhamdulillah. And apart from this, the biggest thing that I have gained from this habit is: I have LESS time to think about unnecessary issues in life! I spend more time on the important stuff and I feel LESS depressed. I look forward to the day where my heart will be completely at ease! In sha Allah.

Before I sign off, the purpose of my post? I URGE everyone and anyone who reads this, try an incorporate at least one Salah in your timetable. Trust me, baby steps will take you a long way!

Allah says "Take one step towards Me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards Me, I will run towards you." (Hadith Qudsi)

Keep sending me some positive vibes and love from Jannat Mama! I love and miss you immensely!

Trying to make you proud always,

Love, M!

*Asad is my younger brother. Fahad is the youngest. He was too young to pray back then. 

A Temporary and Often Unappreciative Chapter

Dear Mama, 

It's been long hasn't it? There is just so much I have to say to you and well. Actually, yes I know I still eat your head the same way that I used to. But I remember how you encouraged me writing. and well here I am. Pretty rusty if you ask me.

Here goes.. I am reviving this very old blog of mine to bring to your notice some very pertinent issues in today's world.. in easier words.. social norms that I JUST cannot put up with. And well, ask Allah to please send me some more strength to bear with the many kinds of idiosyncrasies in the world, particularly on our side of the planet! 

Mama, people nowadays have forgotten how temporary this life is. I know I have my days too (guilty as charged) but some people have forgotten that Allah has only sent us here to test us. Everyday I come across at least one person who seems to give way too much importance to the most unnecessary worldly issues. And my heart breaks.  Such fools we are to believe that issues of relationships or wealth or anything of the sort are worth worrying over. Such fools we are for not being grateful about even the smallest little blessing that Allah has bestowed on us.

So many people leave us due to untimely deaths and we sit here and question how the event could even occur. It makes no sense. Heck, I still sometimes think how you left so early. And then it hits me. It hits me how THIS world is the temporary one. How the pleasures of THIS world are the temporary ones. How the struggles in THIS world are nothing as compared to the rewards or even the punishment of the hereafter! 

Yes, I am rambling on and on.. But I want you to know that you are lucky you don't have to witness the ignorance of our society. I know Allah is taking care of you along with all our loved ones.

Lastly: 

Alhamdulillah for the oxygen I breathe

Alhamdulillah for the food I eat 

Alhamdulillah for the roof over my head

Alhamdulillah for the clothes I wear

Alhamdulillah for the amazing people in my life 

Alhamdulillah for the good etiquettes that you inculcated in me

Alhamdulillah for a good education so that I can handle life affairs easily

Alhamdulillah for the good upbringing that has given me the power to think for myself and differentiate between wrong and right

Alhamdulillah for the small happy moments in my daily life

Alhamdulillah for a healthy and functional mind, body and soul

Alhamdulillah for being your daughter

Alhamdulillah for all the things that I forget to thank Allah for! 

Take care Mama and send me back lots of good vibes please! Please disregard the unplanned format of this first letter to you, I promise it shall get better with time! Till next time! 

Trying to make you proud always. 

Love, M